How do you ‘take’ your therapy?
Do you like the traditional blank canvas therapist?
Or do you like a little more interactivity with your emotional growth?
One of the most consistent bits of feedback I get from clients is “this isn’t like the therapy I’ve had in the past”.
They’re used to an approach to therapy where the therapist doesn’t say much.
Traditionally, one of the reasons for giving the client space in this way was so the client can ‘free associate’. Things can come up that they might not expect. They go in directions they might not expect.
And if the therapist does not reveal much, it gives space for the client to transfer feelings on to them. In the absence of feedback, clients end up projecting feelings on to the therapist. They imagine what the therapist might be thinking or feeling about them. This can give valuable clues as to what plays out with other people and other relationships in the client’s life. As one of my favourite sayings goes “how you do anything is how you do everything” i.e. we all, inevitably, replay similar patterns in different relationships and different scenarios in our lives.
In contrast to this, I choose to work in a more relational, interactive way with clients.
Why?
🔵 It appeals more to my clients. Personally, I believe that the days when people would go and see their psychoanalyst 2 or 3 times a week to lie down on the couch are dying out. I work with busy lawyers. If they’re going to give up an hour a week, they want therapy to be something that has enjoyable aspects to it. With a friendly and warm therapist. That doesn’t mean the work isn’t challenging. But we can have a large dollop of good humour and camaraderie alongside.
🔴 It feels more natural to me. Our USP at TCC (The Carvalho Consultancy) is that we’ve walked in our clients’ shoes. We are (largely) former lawyers ourselves. My professional past is a huge asset to the work. As are my various life experiences (many of which I’ve shared on here). So, frankly, it would be weird if I refused to share or mention any of this stuff *when I think it would be useful*. There’s a danger of course (which I’m mindful of) that my stuff could end up intruding on the work. I’m forever conscious of that and discuss it with my supervisor regularly.
⚫ I’m no purist. I believe in tailoring my approach to what I think is best for the client. And in my case, where I usually (but not always) come down is that a blend of counselling and coaching works best – ‘coachelling’ if you will. Which, rather pleasingly, sounds like that cool music festival in the US.
I believe there is room for all approaches (as long as we act ethicallu) and at TCC (The Carvalho Consultancy) our therapists have a range of styles. My way doesn’t work for everyone.
Having said that, I think increasing numbers of people are seeking out a more relational style in therapy.
What do you think – I’d be interested to know in the comments.