IT’S A ‘HARD’ NO…✋
One of the greatest myths of our wellbeing-obsessed age is that when you put boundaries in place or have to say no to someone, they’ll be thrilled that you’re looking after yourself….
And that we’ll all go skipping off into the distance hand in hand in our perfectly boundaried and well-adjusted states….
Life isn’t like that.
Life is actually a squidge of all sorts of different responsibilities, different hats and different issues that we’re all desperately trying to cram into the suitcase of each 24 hour day.
And we can’t please everyone.
In a good week, we manage to jump up and down enough on that suitcase so that we can get it zipped up.
Other weeks, we can’t.
Or we do finally get it shut only to find that the zip breaks, it bursts open on the street and our knickers fall out everywhere (metaphorically speaking…)
This week has been a tricky one for me. I pride myself on honouring my commitments. On turning up, rain or shine (and some days are rainier than others).
But this week brought me a difficult, last-minute (aren’t they always…) dilemma .
A hard situation arose with one of my kids.
It was difficult. It was complicated. It is ongoing.
What it meant/means is that he needed love, support and a veritable SH*T TON of patience.
Normally, I’m a great one for ‘carrying on regardless’. Holding it together. Getting on with the job in the knowledge that my husband can hold the fort.
But this time that didn’t feel right.
And occasionally that ‘full steam ahead’ whatever happens approach can turn into excessive rigidity. And losing sight of your values.
None of this is straightforward of course. Our values are often in tension with each other (NB This is why most organisations’ value statements end up being a watered-down mulch of nothingness ).
I value my family life and my children.
I also value my job in which I get to help and support others.
I value that I make commitments to others and I show up for them.
These things are sometimes in conflict.
I have difficult choices to make.
We all do.
This time I chose to change course.
I did so in the knowledge that there was back up available – that the panel I was due to sit on was just that, and that there were two other highly capable people on it who could handle it just as well without me.
Now, you don’t get a cookie (literally or metaphorically) when you make these decisions either.
If you’re an empathetic person, then you will feel some unease, some discomfort after making them.
That doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision. It means that these things are nuanced. And rarely straightforward.
There’s no neat bow to wrap up the end of this post. No pithy message. Just an acknowledgement that life is complicated!
So, here’s to difficult decisions.
May we take them.
May we live by them.
And may we keep our knickers in our suitcases.