“It’s not fair!”
Yes, I am a grown woman in my 40s. And yes I still said this earlier this week (in my defence, I refrained from stamping my foot, which is progress 😂).
Do you ever find yourself saying this?
Or do you (like me) hear your kids saying it a lot?
A belief in ‘fairness’ or that there is some ‘justice’ in the world is something that keeps us going. It gives us structure, doesn’t it. Otherwise, everything would start to feel like anarchy.
People often talk about karma which is related of course – the idea that, if you behave well, that good things will happen and, if you don’t, well you might just find yourself in a pile of (metaphorically speaking), somewhere down the line.
But is a belief in fairness and justice *always* helpful?
When can it become detrimental?
It’s one of the themes I explore with lawyers in one of our new training sessions – ‘Dealing with unfairness, disappointments and adverse outcomes’
Because law is a funny beast. It appeals to people who like structure, organisation, a sense of justice and fairness.
But then when you actually begin to practice, you see that so much of it is actually unpredictable.
You can do the best job in the world and still get an adverse outcome.
Your clients behave in ways you don’t expect.
You think you’ve planned for every eventuality and then you’re hit by a curve ball at 5 pm on a Friday which ruins your whole weekend.
Law is a profession which presents the illusion of offering control. When actually you have less control than you think.
That’s one of the key factors that affects lawyers’ well-being.
I love that we get a bit philosophical in this training.
We explore people’s individual ideas around fairness. How they are helpful. And how they’re detrimental (when they lead to stubborn thinking of the foot-stamping variety I describe above, righteous indignation about situations you can’t control etc …)
We look at the traditionally goal-focused approach of the lawyer.
And we introduce another way of working.
A different philosophy to practising law. And life!
Where, by focusing on the relationships you’re building and the character traits you’re displaying, you keep your eye on the process rather than the outcome.
This is psychologically informed law.
This is trauma-informed law.
Because we know that, when it comes to vulnerable & emotional clients (ie most of them), the relationship you build with them can be reparative in and of itself. Regardless of outcomes.
You don’t have to be a therapist to build such a relationship.
Lawyers can do it too.
Get in touch with us on info@carvalhotherapy.com if you fancy hearing more about this training.
In the meantime, I’ll be adjudicating a fight between our twins about the relative sizes of their snacks for school and whether a box of raisins can be considered equivalent to a cereal bar. Now there’s an essay question in the making…
