What do you reckon?
Bit OTT? Or on the money?
Whatever your feelings about Christmas this year, whether positive or negative or somewhere in between, there’s no doubt it’s a time of strong emotions.
I wrote a post earlier this year about how I puked on my own wedding day. And, for me, Christmas is a bit like your own wedding in the sense of high expectations, excess, (often) lots of people involved. And where there are people and merriment, there is also, inevitably, friction, tension, feelings that are at odds with how you’re ‘supposed’ to feel.
For many people, they’re not spending Christmas in the way they would have wanted.
Some people are apart from their family.
Some people have difficulties with their families and would rather not see them!
For lots of people, it’s all the excess that brings discomfort.
I remember the first Christmas after I got sober many moons ago.
I was so worried. What will I do with myself? What will people say? What will I talk about etc etc? How will I cope with people trying to force Baileys down my gullet? (I managed to dodge it by the way)
For some people, large amounts of food are triggering and create anxiety.
Many people might be spending this Christmas feeling a bit uneasy about all the cheer and presents given the horrors of what’s going on in Israel, Gaza and elsewhere.
Many people are lonely this Christmas.
It would be easy for me to end this by saying “You’re not alone” and to mention various mental health resources as if there’s an easy solution to this stuff.
Actually, it’s a bit more complicated than that (although unfortunately, that’s not very social media friendly).
No, you’re not alone. There are many people struggling with Christmas.
But I think we do people a disservice when we pretend there are easy answers.
In fact, working as a therapist has taught me that, when people become disconnected, lonely, depressed, disengaged and disenchanted with life, often it’s as a result of a build-up of events over time. And it’s harder to recover that sense of hope when it’s ebbed away gradually over time and it feels like it’s been confirmed by a series of events. So simply saying to someone “You’re not alone. Just talk to someone” is not the catch-all solution I wish it was. It can even come across as patronising. Divorced from reality.
So this Christmas, I guess it’s about being open, available and willing to listen to people in their pain. To being open to hearing about the complexities and not responding with a pithy “you got this”. And trying to stay connected. There’s lots to be joyous about. But also lots of difficult stuff for people.
And for me, I’ll be keeping sane by retaining a bit of structure. A bit of exercise. Maintaining those routines that support me day to day. It might sound a bit loser-ish. But it works for me. In the absence of the Baileys!
Merry Christmas to everyone.