TRAUMA-INFORMED LAW EPISODE II – the cliché of the ‘safe space’!!
If you scroll through therapy websites, 9 times out of 10 therapists describe themselves as creating a ‘safe space’ for their clients.
I’ve always railed against that cliché (because everyone says it but because sometimes I like to be a Contrary Mary)
BUT…
While I do reckon therapists do go on about it a bit too much…
…I think lawyers don’t go on about it enough (and by that, what I mean is, most lawyers don’t even think about it)!
Back in the day, when I was a family solicitor, I did the additional training to become a mediator. I remember laughing with my old boss at the time about how I suddenly developed a penchant for wearing pastel colours and big beads. Instead of thinking about the law, I started thinking about room setups, mood lighting and cushions.
This was mainly a joke. We thought that stuff was fluff. A load of cobblers.
And now…?
I get it!
While I’m not saying that we should all start playing Enya or whale sounds to our distressed clients, I do now see that the way you set up your room, what you wear, what you exude with your clients – IT ALL MATTERS.
(With my sincerest apologies to all the black suits out there), if you wear one of them with scary glasses 👓 and pointy heels and interview your clients as if you’re a member of AC12 out of Line of Duty. Sat in a brightly lit room round a large boardroom table. Then you’re not going to get the best out of them.
Because, if you’re working with people who are stressed, distressed, vulnerable and traumatised, you need to create the core conditions for your relationship first.
Yes, it was Carl Rogers, the famous psychologist, who came up with the idea of the core conditions of empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard.
BUT I like to keep things simple so I invented one that encompasses all three above – humanity. To me, this is the most important thing to exude, particularly for lawyers (sorry to tell you this, guys, but other people think you’re a bit scary).
How do you show it?
The main way is through lots of open questions. ‘How has it been for you?’, ‘Tell me more about…’, ‘What’s your understanding of…’.
All of that good stuff soothes clients’ right brains (where their feelings live). You have to unlock this if you want clients to be able to hear you when you move on to all the factual, intellectual, rational stuff.
Also, affirmations help. NO, I don’t mean using weird pointless slogans like ‘you are enough’. I mean noticing something that they’ve managed well or been able to overcome: “it can’t be easy managing this”… “it’s a responsible thing to do to seek advice”…that sort of stuff.
Please don’t think feelings are for cissies, guys (like I did in the past…). Underestimate them and they’ll scupper your plans!
PS Here’s me, still wearing my big beads, 10 years on…