Emotionally Focussed Therapy

The professional experience, training, supervision and life experience of our TCC Therapists and Coaches brings to our clients a rich blend of skills that is truly unique. Here, one of our therapists Tim Rice MBACP speaks about a method that he uses; emotionally focused therapy in his couples work:

Why I Use Emotionally Focused Therapy in My Work with Couples

There are many, many kinds of therapeutic methods, but there is one that quickly made intuitive sense to me – and which I have found powerful and effective in helping couples reconnect and heal: it’s called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

When couples first approach me, they are usually caught up in a negative cycle of conflict, disconnection or misunderstanding. Underneath the surface, though, they are really asking: “Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? Can I trust you with how I truly feel?” EFT focuses on these important emotional questions, which are essentially about our deepest fears and longings. It explores the emotional patterns that keep couples disconnected and feeling unsafe. It seeks to alter these patterns so that partners feel safety, trust and intimacy.

At its core, EFT is based on attachment theory, which recognises the bond between baby and caregiver and how we are all wired for emotional connection. When the connection with our caregiver (in adulthood our partner) is threatened, we protect ourselves by blaming, withdrawing or shutting down. We can’t help it, but it makes things worse.

In our sessions I help couples to identify these negative cycles and the vulnerable emotions going on underneath. When both partners feel genuinely seen, heard and understood, a crucial change begins. Gradually empathy replaces defensiveness. They start understanding their own and the other’s feelings. The conflict stops. They both crave
closeness in the relationship.

So Emotionally Focused Therapy fosters lasting emotional reconnection. If you find yourself struggling in your relationship, remember that change is possible. It’s not about fixing your partner. It’s about listening, understanding and feeling safe to turn towards your partner.

I’m lucky to have witnessed it countless times. It’s a privilege.