The Big Squeeze

Many people often ask, “What is reflective practice?” It’s a phrase that wears many hats; therapeutic supervision, reflective coaching, reflective supervision, therapeutic coaching the list goes on, but I like to simplify it to “the big squeeze.”

Regardless of our profession, we are inevitably exposed to other people and their emotional states: frustration, anger, hurt, vulnerability and pain. As lawyers, to protect ourselves, we often don our professional armour when interacting with clients, colleagues and peers. Yet, our mirror neurons and emotions don’t simply switch off; we are, in essence, just little sponges. We absorb the emotions spilling from those around us and carry them with us day in and day out. This absorption is rarely dramatic. It’s a slow, steady seep. Our spongey selves soak up emotions bit by bit, blending them quietly with our own.

This is where lawyers and therapists have the most commonality. We both give so much time, space and energy to our clients and if we continually do that without maintaining boundaries or cleansing practices it can erode our health and sanity from the inside. When we reach our capacity, the accumulated weight can feel overwhelming and heavy enough to tip us into dysregulation and exhaustion. This hidden load doesn’t just affect our mood; it seeps into our perceptions of ourselves, our work, our clients, and our lives beyond the office.

The price we pay for having an overfilled sponge is compassion fatigue. That’s when our empathy well dries up, leaving us emotionally and physically depleted. We may feel irritable or hopeless, experience emptiness, struggle with sleep, suffer headaches or stomach issues, or notice ourselves withdrawing from friends and family. Even our work loses its sense of fulfilment and joy. If this sounds familiar, perhaps your sponge needs a thorough squeeze!

Sometimes, the solution is literal: a warm hug or gentle touch can work wonders for recalibrating our nervous systems. After all, every sponge needs a good squeeze to release what’s been absorbed. 

There may be need for a metaphorical ‘wringing out’ of your internal sponge and that’s where reflective practice, or whatever label you prefer, comes into play. It’s a safe, confidential space, whether individual or in a group, where you can openly explore how your workload affects you. What sticks to you after the emails are closed down for the evening? What keeps you up at night? How do you feel about going into the office? This reflective space is essential for releasing the emotional build-up you’ve been carrying. It's a space where you can reflect on your work and ultimately, learn where you start and stop and where your client starts and stops.

Supervision is an essential part of a therapist's practise to maintain their own mental health and sanity. Personally, I make time for individual supervision for my clinical workload, attend group supervision to learn from colleagues, and participate in a peer support group. Each element of reflective practice gives me the opportunity to rinse out emotional stickiness, refresh my sponge, and combat the isolation that comes from being a secret keeper and emotional container for others. Research shows that good supervision is linked to better client outcomes so keeping my sponge healthy actually makes me a better therapist.

I acknowledge that talking about your workload, whether with a friend, family member or professional, can feel intimidating. Confidentiality, GDPR and professional duties are all valid concerns. As a lawyer, I understand these worries. In therapeutic supervision, even in groups, there’s always an agreed contract ensuring what’s shared stays within the session. The focus on your own feelings and responses rather than client information. The goal is to wring out your own sponge, not someone else’s.

Another benefit is the power of speaking to a qualified stranger. Their independence and lack of proximity to your situation, client or firm management can help you open up honestly about the reality of your role and its impact on your life. And having someone who’s walked in your shoes can make all the difference. We’ve been there, bought the t-shirt and managed to get a refund, so you won’t need to explain concepts or pressures to us.

Let’s keep our sponges healthy, so we can keep supporting others without losing ourselves in the process. Interested in giving the big squeeze a try? Get in touch - support@carvalhotherapy.com